about me · Just stuff

How I’m feeling today

I feel… sad. I don’t mean the nostalgic kind of sad where I feel that life is passing by. I’m over it. I can’t control time. So back to the main reason why I’m sad. Well you see, I’m a student that studies in the Philippines. I’m not on honors or what, but my grades are good. I have no idea how high my IQ is or how low. I don’t care about those things.

I feel so sad because not everyone sees the world like I do. I believe that not all students with high grades are good. Not everyone with an IQ is “smart”. I feel so sad right now because the standards of society is killing me. I’m being over burdened. I feel so tired and depressed and I wish that I’m not. I feel like I should tell someone about this in this site for them not to feel alone. I hope I’m not alone in this either.

I’m a student with above average grades in my report card. Pretty good, yeah. I don’t put that much effort because I always believe that my efforts are always taken for granted, and it will just be wasted. I want to “live” my life in a good way. I want to make a big good difference in our world. In our home. In this huge universe, this planet is my home. And I want to take care of it better, but society is giving such high standards. Maybe it should give high standards. Maybe I’m just fucking stupid (sorry for swearing). I feel so lazy and stupid and selfish because I want to have fun, but I realize that I can’t. If I want to be selfless and make a good difference in the world then I have to burden myself with everything. I have to be “perfect” because it seems that only “perfect” people can make a difference.

I don’t know why I’m like this, but right now… I feel like such a bad person because I’m not doing anything right, and I’m not giving it my all for our only home.

And no, I’m not moving to Mars. I don’t want to leave this planet because I love this planet and nature. I wish we can save it and bring it back to its pristine condition. I will try my best eventhough it will cause me pain.

I will carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, even if it crushes me.

~Buffy

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2 thoughts on “How I’m feeling today

  1. Oh, come on now. I know how you feel. I feel the exact same these days. I feel like i need to carry the world on my shoulders, going first into the new things, while others are slowly walking behind me and waiting what will happen to me.
    You are not alone. Maybe you carry the weight of the world with someone else, but you don’t see him. And maybe that person feels exactly the same. And maybe it’s person you know really good.
    Everything will be fine, if you start making it better now 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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