Poetry/ Stories

Am I a Monster?

I sometimes wish that I would keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I wish that I wasn’t so damn prideful. Sometimes I wish that I am not a human. Sometimes I wish I can be good and do good for once in my life, and not be a… a monster.

Sometimes I hurt people with my words. Sometimes I wound them. Sometimes I hurt myself with them. People forgive me, yes, I know. But I can never forget my faults. People tell me to let go, but I can’t.

Whenever I forget, I turn into a monster. Into an inhuman being who is hurting people with words. I always keep on forgetting to watch my mouth. I’ve always kept on telling myself that I have to try and understand people, but it is just so hard. It’s so hard to make it easy for people, it is so hard to be nice, it is so hard to be kind. But I don’t regret showing kindness to people, I don’t regret being patient because my mind silences for a while when I stop being a monster.

The regret of me being so monstrous will always remain. The pain of me being human will always stay. The overthinking will always occur. I will live my life with these burdens, but I deserve it. And it’s okay because I’m paying the price. I’ll always try my best to be kind, and to let things go and to keep quiet and to shut my mouth when needed.

But the thing is, is that I feel like a monster, but am I really a monster?

~leira

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