Poetry/ Stories

I give up

I give up this life. I give up my works of art. I give up my everything. I give up to death because this world has killed the life off of me. I didn’t notice that I was dying in the inside. That I was being killed slowly. I feel dead, I feel lifeless, I no longer feel the spark of my life. All my passions, all my dreams, all my aspirations have been taken by the world. I give up trying to understand, instead I will keep silent and let people solve it themselves. I will be silent because I’ve given up. I’ve given up trying to be good enough for any of you, for being not so nice to any of you, for not being funny enough, I give up. I give up trying to impress all of you, I give up listening to you. DON’T EVEN BOTHER TO CORRECT ME OR GIVE ME ADVICE. I am fed up with people misunderstanding me. With them not trying to understand like how it is for me. I give up in trying to make them better when all my efforts go to waste. I give up on people, on this life, on everything. On everything besides me. No one will take care of me, besides me, and that’s the sad truth. No one is truly there. DON’T EVEN BOTHER TO TELL ME THAT “we’re here for you.” NO YOU’RE NOT. ALL OF YOU WILL ALWAYS LEAVE, JUDGE, SAY THAT MY PAIN IS SMALL COMPARED TO OTHERS. I give up in making people understand me. In making ‘friends’ understand me. I fucking give up. ALL OF YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN. You won’t even notice me disappearing, all you’ve cared about are yourselves anyways. Your actions are so loud, louder than the words that I’ll ever hear from your mouth. Don’t give me the stupid excuse ‘I’m only human’ Stop it. Just stop. It feels like none of you are even trying. Thanks for not being there, thanks for not understanding, thank you so much for making me give up, thank you for making me feel like I’m not a good friend, that I’m not a good fucking person, thank you, to all of you, for making me feel not one bit special. I am fed up with this stupid term called ‘friendship’ when all of you are just there to judge, when all of you are just there to compare, when all of you are just there to destroy me, replace me. This is goodbye. I want my freedom back. I miss being alone. All of you keep on exhausting me, killing me, it feels stupid that we only have so little to talk about. Thank you, all of you, really, for ‘being there for me’. I really see you there. Who am I kidding, don’t make promises you can’t keep.

You’ll never be there for me, you have too many people to love. To care for. You people only need me for pleasure, for stepping stones, this… this is goodbye. I’m done, it’s over.

It’s all over, I wish I can clear up history. I’ve always thought that friends were a blessing, no they aren’t, they were just candies that give you sickness.

Thank you, for sticking up with me, for all the judgement, thank you. I give up, not on me, but in all of you for all your foolish pride. I’m happy though, at least I gave up all of my ego for all of you. I think I should stop trying to be there for you guys, you guys were never really there.

I never expected to say goodbye to friendships, but this is it. Please replace me, all of me, I don’t mind disappearing, all of you can leave and delete our memories. I don’t need it anymore. I can’t take it anymore.

And the saddest thing was, was that I thought, I felt that all of this was real. I never knew that this was all fake for all of you to feel better for yourselves. Thank you, truly. I was never even one with humanity.

~Me

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