December 27, 1988
It was almost time for me to sleep. I laid down on my bed and looked up at my bedroom ceiling. I was pondering of why am I here, of how am I here. My family believes in God but what makes them all say that he exists. How can He even exist? Like how? I wonder and I feel like I’m about to faint. I can’t breathe. I don’t know what is the meaning of all of this! I’m spiraling down to insanity. So this is what they meant that you will be lost if you stop believing in God. I.. I start to wonder once more, what makes us say that He doesn’t exist. Science, science says that He doesn’t exist, but… science doesn’t even know how everything started. Why are we putting so much faith to humans, to people. Then again, wasn’t religion started by people? But the Being they describe, the Being, for so many questions asked, it always leads to Him. It always does.
I ponder and I realized that I don’t want to believe in Science. They can never explain so many things. I want to believe in the mysterious, the unknown. I don’t want to listen to others debating whether God exists or not because they are all so fallacious.
I believe in God, and this is final. This is the time where I will stop pondering about my existence. I don’t believe in God for me to be ‘saved’, for me to be ‘good’, but I believe in God because I don’t trust human beings. I believe in the mysterious. What right do we have to say about God? What right do we have to say that God doesn’t exist? We’ve been proved wrong so many times, we were in the wrong so many times and yet we have the pride to say God doesn’t exist. We call so many possibilities impossible. What makes God impossible to believe in? How is He a fiction of a mind? When we were born without a God, when we were born without love, we are nothing but people. Empty people. People say that there is no such thing as the after life, but I believe in eternity. I believe in God and this is final. I’ve had enough of useless debates when everything is so clear. Think deep enough, think harder. I believe God is there because there is no other reason, no other explanation than Him.
Think harder, think harder till your brain explodes. We have ‘life’. This is good enough for me to believe that God exists. Science can’t explain life. All science can ever say that life is just a beating of the heart. We all know that we are more than what Science says. We are what God says.
My God is infinite, mysterious, unexplainable, undefinable, don’t you dare even say that us feeble humans with such small minds have the intelligence to explain a Being who is more than us. My God can never be explained by experimentation, the same way the purpose of your life can never be explained. If you can’t explain the purpose of your life, the purpose of all of this then don’t even think that you can explain God. Explain what is life without the simple anatomy. Explain God to me, if you can. God exists in a way we can never understand.
Don’t blame God for the chaos of the world, blame our own foolish and selfish selves for being this way.